Bones
by um yeah no
Summary: He wants to hug her into his heart, open his chest up and let her in - even though the thought of having a person in his heart sounds kind of dangerous. / twoshot / RinLen (incest) /


**Author notice thing: **Not sorry – this isn't a very funny story (these things are whims. I am not organised. I am a whimmer, and I whim it with dignity) and it's incest which may scare some people out there (but it's okay, keep your purity because god damn it is a _great, holy thing_). Please (do not) forgive me (ever).

I did plan on having a quote from an awesome song, but yeah, that looked stupid, so I won't.

* * *

**BONES**

Len rubs his neck, anxious for the day ahead.

He has to agree that he looks, well, utterly miserable – pale skin, dark, heavy bags underneath his eyes, and a bitter scowl to top it all off. Sleep, for him, is just about harder to gain than an A+ in History. And everyone, including Len, knows that he _sucks_ at History. Or just doesn't care, because History sucks, anyway.

He sighs. Ever since, well – blergh, he has no clue – just… since a while ago; maybe a few weeks, he's been having these life-like nightmares that make it impossible to sleep. He finds himself waking up from them, gasping for breath like he's been choked of oxygen or ran a mile in his sleep, sweating the Nile River.

His dreams are like reruns of your least favourite episode in a TV series. Dread always comes and he fears falling asleep.

He'll always have to get up, to have an ice-cold shower at two in the morning despite it being possibly the middle of winter, to somehow purge those kinds of nightmares. It all but works. It only succeeds in making his teeth chatter and his lips turn blue.

Last night could have been probably the worst.

It's raining in his dreams – hard, just like how it is outside right now. In this dream, it was, too. It was hard to see; it was dark. Then he saw her, faintly in the distance. _That girl_. He always sees her. Maybe she's secretly the devil in disguise, controlling his nightmares – or an angel trying to save him from them – but regardless of what she is, she's _always, always_ a part of his dreams, playing a new role; dying or killing, smiling or crying.

Len can never see her face. It's… nothing. Just a blob. A blip; like a glitch in a video game.

In this dream – he's had it before, maybe a long, long time ago, he's pretty sure – he saw her standing on a bridge. He knows the bridge from somewhere, probably that one on the way to school – but it's too hazy in his mind to figure out whether it exists or not.

An instinct in the dream was set off in his mind, as he watched her waver, taking a step towards the edge and the low fence keeping her from toppling into the rushing waters. A scream would always fight its way up into his throat, but it would get caught, stuck there, as he watched her shakily place her feet on the fence.

Then she leaned forward, disappearing into the dark and the rain, and Len's voice had finally came out, slicing through the silence of the street, and he would wake up in tears, breathing hard, his hands shaking.

It'd be like that in any dream. It'd drive him insane. He can never save her from her fate – or from his fate – or from any fate his nightmares would offer. He's sick, he is so sick of these nightmares; he just wants to sleep and dream of things like walking in the clouds, instead of being taunted by his overactive imagination.

Rin, Len's sister, pads into the bathroom, rubbing her eyes. Len realises he's been standing in there, looking at himself in the mirror for well over ten minutes, and swallows, turning away from his reflection to greet his sister. She's close enough to his reflection, anyhow – sharing the same baby blue eyes and gold-like hair, but just with a better mix of their share of genes.

The girl fixes her singlet strap, smiling at Len sleepily, and she lifts her arm and scratches her head, exposing the pale underside of her arm which is –

_Christ, Rin_, Len mentally curses, feeling an uneasy sensation in his stomach. Again. She's got hold of the razor _again_. She must have bought one the other day, secretly – and God, Mum's going to…

_Ugh._ He shuffles out of the bathroom, forgetting to say even 'Hello' or 'Good morning'. He swallows. Rin has been doing it rough these past few months – not that he'll ever understand, because he's not her – and…she usually takes out her… issues… on her arm.

(Maybe it's that Miku girl. He wouldn't be surprised if she was making Rin… yeah.)

Len is really insensitive – he realises that – so he talks to his mother about these things rather than Rin, because he doesn't want to, uh, make things worse. He feels that's all he ever does. He feels, occasionally, that it's _his_ fault she's hacking away at herself, but his Mum argues with him, apparently because she knows all, and tells him to 'stop worrying about it, she's going to a counsellor so just leave it be, okay'. Well, _sorry_ for being an anxious brother, then.

He runs into the kitchen wall, his sense of awareness clearly broken temporarily.

Len rubs his arm, squinting at the time and murmuring a few obscenities such as, "Fuck." and, "For fuck's sake." before skulking off to the fridge, searching for some sort of edible-something, considering he pulled the milk out yesterday, drank it and nearly threw up because it was sour.

Rin must have heard his quiet rage, because she slips into the kitchen a few moments after he finds like, miso soup stuff (which is Rin's, but he hasn't seen her eating it lately, and it's food), and asks, "You okay?"

He's in the worst mood, now, kind of, because whatever, but he tries not to take it out on Rin – he'll save his rage for Kaito later on, because it's more fun to argue with him and punch each other (playfully – or not so) in the guts. He kind of grunts, before realising she deserves a better answer than that, and says, "Not really. I forgot walls existed."

She smiles at him, grabbing some miso, too. "Did it come at you?" she asks. "I'd say, those walls are getting quite vicious."

"I think we have to start taming them," he responds drily, boiling the jug. She places her bowl next to his and leans against his shoulder, smelling faintly of fruity-coconut-y-citrus goodness and girl – girl, because girl's somehow all have this similar scent, and he has no idea what it is.

Rin can be affectionate; you know, loving and appreciative of you and that stuff. But then she'll be all moody; she'll close up like a clam, act distant and speak nothing, only making brief sounds in response to what you say.

Len prefers the affectionate side. The moody just worries him.

She lifts her head off his shoulder once the jug finishes boiling and he goes to pour it into the bowls, turning to say, "You seem tired."

Len sets down the jug, sighing. "I am," he replies. "But I'm okay."

Rin studies him with her cerulean gaze, lips pursed. "You sure? You know, I could just ring Mum for you if you want to have a sleep today…"

"No," Len responds too quickly. Rin looks slightly taken aback. "I'm just -" He pauses, inhaling, "I'm fine."

Rin hesitates, lingering around him a bit like she wants to say more, but then changes her mind and reaches past him to get her bowl. "Well, okay," she says, sounding uncertain. "But if you're not feeling well at school, you should go to the sickbay."

Something snaps, and the Grinch in Len lashes out. "I'm not fucking sick," he spits, balling his hands into fists. "Christ."

When he sees his sister's expression, his chest goes all tight and funny, a bit like something is trapped in there and trying to get out by mutilating him from the inside. Rin bites her lip, setting her bowl on the table and sliding into her chair, looking down. She stays silent. Len swallows, rubbing his eyes as he takes a seat beside her.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice," he explains, touching her arm gently with his hand, before remembering the cuts and drawing his hand back. He has a thing that his hands will just make things bleed on the instant they touch something. "I'm not angry at you. I'm just – tired, okay? I understand your concern – but I'm seriously fine."

Rin looks up and smiles a little. He can still tell she's hurt. Len has the urge to punch himself in the face – though that would probably do no good. "No, it's okay. I understand," she says in this small voice, like she might cry – but she doesn't.

Len's stares at her for a bit. He bites his lip. "I still love you," he says, trying to be flippant, trying to stop Rin from closing up and retreating into an antisocial ball, but it comes out just sounding awkward and forced. "You know."

"I know," she murmurs, constraining a smile.

And then they sit in silence, because Len knows he can't do much else.

* * *

The rain outside seems more like a waterfall; gallons of water cascading from the sky, hiding the trees and buildings a few metres away with its grey curtain. Len watches it, distracted, far from the classroom.

He turns back to the lesson; English – tuning directly a kissing scene from the film he's supposed to be taking notes from. He closes his eyes, sighing. This is something Rin would like, not him. Rin's always watching those chick flicks, or whatchamacallits – just, ugh, romantic, gross, girly stuff.

But they're in different classes, and they're not studying the same film as each other – high schools are just all over the policy of separating siblings. He was in most of her classes in primary school – and when they weren't together, one or the other would have a mental breakdown within the first week of school (but it wouldn't ever succeed in getting them back into the same class). Now, though, he feels he barely sees her during the day.

Especially on the days where she has her moods – it worries him. It worries him… a lot. He considers checking up on her at lunch – he knows where her locker is. And if he has English, then she must have Maths…

Len nods, jerking back into a sitting position as the film blasts sound. He rubs his face – God, he is just _so damn tired._

He struggles to stay awake in the remaining half-hour, and, barely alive, stumbles out of the classroom when the bell rings. Miku passes him in the hallway, stopping him with a perfectly manicured hand. "Hey, Lon," she says.

"It's Len," he mentions, not even bothering to keep a kind tone.

"Yeah, Len," she corrects herself, flipping a pigtail over one shoulder, oblivious to Len's bitter attitude. "Is like, your sister okay? Because she seems kind of… I dunno, dead? And like, she won't really respond to anything I say."

_Dead? _Len blinks, before shrugging slightly. "Um… I was going to go check up on her now, because… yeah. I already know. But yeah. I don't really know, uh, Miku," he answers, stumbling over his words and feeling like an idiot.

"Oh," Miku says. "Okay."

"Yeah… so, do you think she's at her locker still?" he then asks.

Miku glances over her shoulder, down the hallway, like she can see Rin through the mass of bodies from where they were standing. "Um, probably. She was still packing up when I left the classroom," she offers.

"Right," Len says. "Thanks."

Rin's teal-haired friend smiles overly-sweetly at Len, before answering with, "No problem." And then she sashays off down the hallway, her too-short skirt coming dangerously close to revealing her underwear.

Len sighs. It's out of his mind as to why Rin is friends with that girl. But he has no validity to question that motive.

When he reaches her locker, she's still there, taking her time. He walks up beside her, reaching out to brush her shoulder. Rin glances over her shoulder at Len, but doesn't make the effort to smile. "Oh," is all she says.

"Hey," Len answers back, assuming she just didn't feel like saying a proper greeting. "Are you okay?"

Rin shuts her locker, locking it, before looking back up at him. She shrugs, nodding, before responding with, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

Len had several other (more inappropriate) answers in mind, but decides with, "I'm just asking. You looked a little upset before."

Rin shrugs again. "Um, well, I'm fine. Thank you for asking." The way she sounds kind of blunt in her replies gives away to Len that she actually isn't okay. Usually she would grin and nod her head enthusiastically and tap him on the cheek or something, before rushing off to go join her friends, but… today, she's _definitely_ not like that.

At a loss of what else to say or do, Len stands around for a few more seconds, feeling useless. "Well… I'll see you later," he says with a nod.

"Yeah," Rin returns quietly.

He touches her hand with his briefly, feeling it would have some sort secret, twin meaning, like, _I'm here for you if you need me_ – just the words he can't really say here, now – but walks away feeling stupid, knowing that a hand touch can't convey words, and that Rin can't read his mind.

* * *

Len sits down beside Kaito and Gakupo in the hallway as they're discussing their latest interest – _babes_.

He only listens in when he manages to drag his mind away from the thought of Rin, hearing the name 'Miku' being brought up. "She's not my type," Gakupo says. "Too… aloof. And her skirt is shorter than it needs to be."

Kaito sniffs. "I think she's a babe. She's got a good rack – not too big, not too small. What do you think, Len?"

Len thinks he needs to figure out whether he wants to keep hanging with these people or not. "…Not my type," he decides finally. He looks at his uneaten sandwich in his hand. His appetite is lacking.

"What about Rin?" Kaito then changes the subject, smirking at Len, who's half-there and kind of half-on-the-verge-of-falling-asleep-but-not-really . "She's a cutie. She's got a nice set of legs on her. Maybe not the largest boobs, but, you know, you can tell they're still there. Len, you know her size?"

Len lifts his head from his arms. "Size of what?"

Gakupo cups both of his breasts and attempts to give himself cleavage – and fails. "Booby size," he says in a mock-female voice, batting his eyelashes. _What a doucheshit_, Len scrutinises.

"Hell no – it's none of my fucking business," Len murmurs. Actually, he has a rough idea, because maybe once or twice Rin's bras would somehow find their way into their drawer (his mother sometimes gets a little confused), but there's no way in hell he's telling them _that._ If they want to know, then they can go and ask her themselves.

"But I could expect them to be perky," Kaito continues loudly, so Len can hear it. "You know, pretty and pink -"

If Len had drawn a line to show what's _okay_ and _totally, definitely not fucking okay_, this conversation is heading over to the side of the line which is _totally, definitely not fucking okay_. And if it does, Kaito's face may not also end up _totally, definitely not fucking okay_.

"How do you resist her, Len?" Kaito chirps. "She's just so adorable and vulnerable; I would love to see her pinned under -"

Oh, that. Is. _It._

If there is anything Len can't stand, it's when people talk about his sister _like that_. She doesn't deserve any of that. _She doesn't._

Len whips around, socking Kaito in the stomach. Though Kaito does cough and flinch from the hit, he recovers quickly; suddenly grabbing Len by the collar and standing, pulling Len up to his face.

Kaito grins. "If you want your nose to be broken, Len, keep going – but I'm not recommending it," he warns.

"Then don't say shit about my sister," Len hisses.

"Sorry, Len, but I don't go for emo girls," Kaito mentions slyly, releasing Len's collar so he drops to the ground and stumbles back slightly.

Len's nostrils flare. "She's not _emo_," he defends, his voice rising. "She may have scars but she's definitely _not emo._" He feels so lame, just the way his voice goes all high and whiny when he's angry, like a girl. He wants to shout, to throw things, to scare off the enemy – but his shouting will only attract attention, and there's nothing really appropriate to throw.

Len's so-called 'friend' just laughs derisively. "You're such a weird kid," he says. "The way you defend your twin sister like she's your life or something. She's her own person, Len. She can defend herself."

Before Len can properly think over his next move, he punches Kaito again, this time in the face, and Kaito kicks him in the crotch in reaction, and then, somehow, it's just hitting, and hitting, and hitting, until Gakupo – who is one of the only ones who has (some sort of) common sense – steps in and pulls Len off Kaito, pushing him off to the side.

Len wipes his face, a trail of blood from his nose soaking his sweater sleeve and his right cheek throbbing. His heart is gradually returning to its regular beat, the adrenalin pumping through his veins waning, as he slowly yields back to reality – school. Len notices Kaito's mouth is bleeding – that earns him a bit of satisfaction.

Some kids have stopped to watch the feud, staring with their mouths hanging open, because as much as actual fights go around here it's more like an awkward slap and push instead of full throttle attacks. A teacher comes over, telling the witnesses to all buzz off, before turning her hawk-eye on Len, Kaito and Gakupo.

So that takes him to the principal's office.

Several school awards line the walls, and pictures of school events decorate alongside them. The office is clean; white walls and a dark blue carpet, smelling of mango air freshener. Len, Kaito and Gakupo sit in the hard seats lined up against the wall, and the principal looks over her spectacles critically, frowning.

Len expects the worse. But the results are not as bad.

His parents are called and he's suspended for the rest of the day, after hearing the principal rant her little, old ass off about being good Catholics (in which, he isn't Catholic. As of his fifteenth birthday, he's deemed himself religion-free) and treating their neighbours how they want to be treated (but no one ever follows that rule, because if they did… yeah, it just wouldn't work out with all the psychopaths and serial killers out there) and all that flowery… fluffy shit.

He skulks out of the principal's office to head off to the nurse's office before his mother comes (in which, she'll be seething, because she probably had to be called out of work), ignoring Kaito and Gakupo because he just hates them both, and sees Rin waiting by the garden.

She's pepped up slightly, because when he stalks up to her, she slaps him on the chest and sniffs. "I heard you were in a fight with Kaito and you're in deep shit," she mentions. "Miku told me just then, so I came down here to see you. And you've got blood… all down here." Rin points to her face and drags her finger over her neck slowly, and down to her chest. His eyes follow her finger before he mentally kicks himself.

Len hears Kaito sniggering behind him, but ignores the douche. "Um, I have to go to the sickbay anyway," he explains, shrugging, feeling a little dumb. "Does my nose look broken?"

Rin studies his face. "I… don't know. But your cheek is kind of bruised," she tells him, reaching out to touch it gently.

Len flinches from her touch and she draws her hand back. "Okay."

The bell rings and Rin starts. "Oh God, I just remembered I have health. Um, see you." She scuttles off before he can even say goodbye.

* * *

His mother just gives him this horrified _look_ when they get to the car, like Len has just become an axe murderer. She starts the exhaust, completely silent, and Len is just counting down the seconds to her detonation.

"I can't believe you!" she cries, finally.

Len stares ahead, quiet. The good news is he doesn't need plastic surgery. But, the bad news…

"You – I get this _call_ from the school saying my son has – has been suspended and -" His mother makes a frustrated grunt, "He's been in a fight – and – _lord, _what is your father going to say? He is going to – he's going to -" She breaks off as she gets distracted at the intersection.

Len can see her preparing for another rant-lecture, so he quickly interrupts with, "Rin's got another razor."

"Don't change the subject!" she explodes. "Your _father_, Len, is going to be _furious_ with you. Let alone, I had to be called out of work to deal with this. Seriously, what drove you to fight? What good were you going to get out of it?"

Len can feel himself turning red, and he sinks further into the car seat, looking up out the window, which has droplets from the rain hitting against it, running down the surface frantically like a race to their death.

"Seriously, Len," his mother continues. "What did he do? What made you attack him?"

He swallows. "He was saying stuff about Rin," he says quietly. "And me."

"What sort of stuff? Was it something really worth to hit him for?" she probes.

_Was it something really worth to hit him for?_ Yes, yes it was. Len wouldn't hit someone for some stupid reason – he's not a dickhead. But people can't go around saying sexual things about his goddamn _twin sister_, for Christ's sake, before _insulting her_ and _judging her_ for the fact that she results to self-harm because she needs to somehow release those emotions, somehow release her thoughts and feelings, since she believes there's no other way. She can't _help_ it. It's something she didn't choose to befall to her_._

His mother glances at him. "Len?"

"He said she was emo. He said he wanted to have her underneath him – he was talking about her breasts -" Len realises his voice is rising, and he trails off. _He made it seem like I was obsessed with her._

_I'm not obsessed with her._

_I just care for her._

_I just- God fucking damn it._

"I just care for her," he mumbles his thoughts aloud, just to make it final. Like he's trying to prove Kaito wrong – like he's in the car too, listening to their conversation.

Len's mother sighs wearily. "I know. I know you do, Len – but -" She falls silent, like she doesn't know, or forgotten what to say. But Len knows what would probably come out of her mouth – _But there's no point resorting to violence. You should have just left it._

Len doesn't know why he did what he did. He doesn't know exactly how he should feel. He just doesn't know anymore.

It's a scary thought; not knowing.

The drive home last longer than it actually does, because they – Len and his mum – don't speak much else for the rest of the duration left. When he gets home, she simply tells him she's going back to work and leaves him to the house, alone.

With nothing much else to do, he lies down and drowns in his aimless thoughts, falling asleep, falling back into his world of nightmares.

* * *

I was going to make this a oneshot, but I don't want to make it drag on forever because people may get scared by the sheer size of it (occasionally I just look at fanfictions and their size and be like, 'Mm… no.'), so I'll leave it here and make it a twoshot and see how it goes along.

I might update it (or not – or leave it for a few hundred months). Maybe. It depends on how motivated I am (which doesn't happen very often) but _ugh_, I'll see. This story sucks so, I don't know :) It depends on how much people like it. Because… people might be like, ew this is icky. Or, ew this is gay, you can't write at all. (Sorrynotsorry, I haven't yet studied a uni course on writing yet so you can't expect me to be a Jesus with this sort of thing, seriously.) Or no people could read it, so…

The dream thing with Len is kind of weird and I don't know what I'm doing with that so (pokes it like it's cancer) I don't even huh(?). I literally did not plan anything in this so it's probably very, very weird because most of it just comes off the top of my head within a few seconds. (Especially that fighting scene – I think I made Len a bit of a drama queen [sorry, Len!]) I need to be more organised with this stuff, but I like not deciding the end until the end, because it keeps me interested and thinking up different possibilities just like I'm a person reading this story as you guys are. (Weird concept, I know.)

Shit this is really long, forgive my useless ramble. ;_;


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